80 days

 I still can't believe, how much time that is

I didn't suffer through all of that, mostly the endz I think 

but how can I keep this up? 80 days, to process a 4 hour interaction

a couple phrases, few words in between

in hindsight, it seems like nothing happened

but for my heart it was almost three months

of expectation, anxiety, fear, limerence

it's so hard to put that on perspective

is that the cost of rejection?

is that how much time my heart needs to throw itself on the bottom of that well, again?

I see and feel only dark

It's been a while since I've been this low

I thought, dared to think, for a while, that I wouldn't feel like this again

I was flying, didn't believe I could fly again

This rollercoaster already killed me once

I feel bad

Want it all to stop

Just let me here with my roots and water, my indifference

I want to let it go