Oh, but this isn't even the best part

 You know what? 

The first time I saw you, I thought, wow, fucking pretty. I had the stank of the other me inside my mind at the time, so I rapidly and dejectedly threw you to the back of my brain, and nailed you there.

Time passed, I was clean. I was lost, and hurting, still am, but my mind had been wondering the dangerous places, dead places, unruly and loud places. A few deaths later, there you were. clean as me. Talking to me. You approached me, and we talked about the moon. I was so thirsty, so fucking alone, I drank you in one fell swoop. I took you dry, absorbed all your poison inside my rotting stomach. 

You were lying. You were near me, to betray. To hurt. Unknowingly hurt, but hurt nonetheless. You deceived me so thoroughly, so absolutely completely, I had no choice but to deliver all of me. You could care less for me. You spat on me. What hurt more was, that was all of me. That few of a man, that speck of self respect and little heart, that stain on your shirt, was all, full me. All I had. 

As I am here, with a dagger inside my brain, licking all of your pussy clean, pushing strongly into your depths, roughing your crevasses, what I am the most sad about is, that they know. Everybody knows how ridicule and how bare my heart is. 

My bet was on a lie. My love was on a fabricated falsehood. I did it with my own brain and hands. I was unable to throw it away. As I am inside you now, the hurting is unbearable. I wish I could kill you inside me. I wish I could take all of you out, and never remember your smile. I wish that when I dreamed of your back, moved slowly to your ass, and buried my tongue inside you, it didn't taste so sweet. I wish all you brought to me was death and pain and disdain.

Is the indifference that hurts more, you know? Everybody knows. I have to pretend that I don't know those are all pity eyes, those are all sad and conforming smiles, those are all screaming at me, poor thing. Such, such a poor thing. The noise inside my head is a constant scream that pierces and leaves me naked crying on the floor. I can't move. I can only dream. I can only cry and suck all of you. 

I wish I could wake up from this rollercoaster of a hell feeling ride. 

Not a good day.