How be, net denizens? How are you, my dear virtual reality friend, my dear autonomous artificial intelligence, that reads and re reads and reads again, and clicks all my old stuff and makes me feel very special you are stealing my way of writing and terrible words? Tell me, please, take a moment of your busy schedule and click the comment button, and tell me what are you doing, what are you searching for, what is it on this distant far side of hidden internet blogs that you care to sneak into? I am really curious, please, don't be shy
It happened again. Against every little advice, all the voices screaming, all my sense alarming, every fiber of my hollow, fake being, hurting
I have no words anymore, no energy. I'll try again, just to let it play out and see whatever happens, but as always, I am already seeing a world of hurt, that I will never be prepared to handle. I have no answers, I am scared of asking the wrong or even the right questions, I am doing it scared
And I am so fucking scared. The pressure takes all my air. my will. Blindly walking along the edges, screaming at the blackhole to give anything back, slowly everything changes, but at the same time, I am still here, a frightened kid. I grew out wrong. My wishes fall into deaf ears, my hope is a distant painting, dry and crumbling. I am here, for whatever happens. My will is always wrong. Nothing ever goes my way. I will never have what I want, what I dream, what I lust for. My future is bleak. Dullest pencil.
Welcome to my heart, my dear ones. Know that this feeling is rare, you will learn in time, but probably won't care when you throw it out the window and take a shot on my 'empty' heart.
Look at it, its dancing, as if its the last thing it does. It can pretend every one of the songs now, it can lie so well. It lies so it can disappear at any given time. I really like to think this one is mine, that I somehow found it. I grew really fond of it. But I can not always mask my disdain.
For all that you hurt, my dear, I sincerely hope you would just let me go. May the rollercoaster start rising again.
