My body is shivering
all the time, day and night
sleep is restless, waking is abruptly, no rest to be had
no support, no anchor, no wall to stop this tumbling vehicle
the silent permeates things that are willing
it all screams, it all pains me
when I feel I can start to relax, it all comes crashing down
It all feels alien, detached, unbelonging
maybe I was wrong to say that this heart was mine to suffer with
maybe I missed a shortcut somewhere
the road kept going and I didn't even think
now I can't breathe without banshees screaming at my face
this feeling may be up there, my most demanding
I can't stop, my brain is degrading by the second
the gears grind to a halt and go again instantly
the thump in my chest is irregular
the songs never finish, they get cut in half and skipped
I pause everything
every video, every memory, every decision
I miss
whatever I think you were
I can't be responsible for this darkness, not alone
did I make any effort at all to mend me?
I'm just a porcelain doll
broke beyond repair, but still hauntingly hopeful
hope is a word I swear I try not to use lightly
I can't escape this spiral
The energy is infinite, if I'm bent on self destructing
All the nails are back, burrowed in the recovered heart
I don't have the strength to pull them out
I am so tired of these ghosts
all the roads were dead-ends
and I braved the thorns with my bare chest
I couldn't go back to where I was, I suppose this is my map's fault
trembling in the dark
in the light
bathed in your sharpest memory
my tears dry as fast as they roll
May you find your comfort
may your soul understand your pain
may you forgive your heart, for wanting
bless you
