There is no silence, anymore

 My body is shivering

all the time, day and night

sleep is restless, waking up is suddenly, there is no rest to be had

no support, no anchor, no wall to stop this tumbling vehicle

in silence, nothing stops

it all screams, it all pains me

when I start to relax, it all comes crushing down

It all feels alien, detached, unbelonging

maybe I was fast to say that this heart was mine to suffer with

maybe I missed a shortcut somewhere

the road kept going and I didn't let go of the gas

now I can't breath without the banshees screaming at my face

this feeling may be up there, with the most demanding ones

I can't stop, my brain is degrading by the second

the gears grind to a halt and go again instantly

the thump in my chest is irregular

the songs never end, they get cut in half and skipped

I pause everything

every video, every memory, every decision

I miss

whatever I think you were

I can't be responsible for this darkness, not alone

did I make any effort at all to mend me?

I'm just a porcelain doll

broke beyond repair, but still hauntingly hopeful

hope is a word I swear I try not to use lightly

I can't escape this spiral

The energy is infinite, it seems, if I'm bent on self destructing

All the nails are back, inside the heart that is back

I don't have the strength to pull them out

I am so tired of these ghosts

all the roads were dead-ends

and I braved the thorns with my bare chest

I couldn't go back to where I was, I suppose this is my map's fault

trembling in the dark

in the light

bathed in your sharpest memory

my tears dry as fast as they roll my cheeks

May you find your comfort

may your soul understand your pain

may you forgive your heart, for wanting

bless you