Decisions decisions decisions

 I have been sad for the longest time

In this state, I am easily manipulated

by my feelings, by my heart, by my ego

especially the ego

the delusions never end

every waking moment, I am thinking, I am stalling, I am regretting

by three they come, by three they nest

My foundation is cemented on lies, fear, weakness

and this was before

I woke today

inside a train of dreams

I decided, not anymore

I do not want to feel like this

now, come closer, quickly, lend me your ear just for this one

again

I do not. Want. To suffer this. Again.

I feel to much, and that also contains the negatives

I am repulsed now, for how I behaved, how I felt

I want to try reality again

even if its way later than I should, even if it won't work anymore

even pain, if real, is better than these dreams

Nightmares

I jumped

Abyss laughed, and hugged me

I'm hoping for blindness and numbness

for as long as I fall